are you insensitive too?

some people say nice things when someone starts to confide in them. other people don't know what to say, and rather than just shutting up, go on self-righteous, pre-programmed rants.

how is it that if its someone i barely know, i can be empathetic and caring, but if its someone i care about, i deliver a sermon? how can i expect her to trust me... when if she even starts to, i get weird and do something dumb? i never realized i was so dysfunctional. people talk about how you learn a lot from being in a relationship, but i always thought they meant cool, fun stuff. i think maybe they meant that you learn about yourself and how you need to change. its like all my faults are just out in the open all the time, instead of nicely tucked away where i dont notice them.

i feel so dumb talking into a white text field on a computer. this is supposed to be cathartic i guess, it feels more like i'm just going to embarrass myself.

oh well, i'm humiliated already, and i feel like i need more. hallelu to sadism. hallelu to masochism.