peach schnapps & the oc

life's strange around the new year. i'm reminded that change is really the only constant in life. tomorrow i'm going to get up and propell myself headlong into this campaign, and ignore many other things that i would love to do. tonight i was sitting at home with autumn and i watched the oc and thought of how i wish time would just slow down to a crawl, how i could just freeze frames like the skip of a dvd might do. why doesn't life skip? sometimes it seems scuffed up enough. i guess real life's analog. haha, that seems almost like its supposed to be profound.

lying there once the dvd ended, i couldn't even just lie there and savour it. i had to get up and start trying to make the most of myself... typing emails, turning on an audiobook (c.s.lewis's 'the great divorce' actually! which is a GREAT book.) i wish i didn't feel this need to be productive, in a way. its like a constant pressure bearing down. it's not supposed to feel like this. i'm supposed to love work, not resent it for taking away the things i want.

if only i was either lazy, or had good enough time managment skills that i got things done in time to enjoy life.

i feel bad. i've been telling the jack kerouac knapsack guys that i'd have their site done for probably a month now. great advertisment for the business, i know.