covers & walters & coffee

this saturday we're playing at a bar... for 3.5 hours. which means a lot of covers that i dont want to do. some of them will be fun. if it doesnt go horribly horribly. i guess we'll see at practice tonight. walters, a family we were good friends with in bangladesh, visited tuesday and yesterday, which was cool. they commented, as seems usual for americans coming through, on the high numbers of tim hortons they were encountering.

apparently some judge almost overruled tim hortons decision to ban a man from a tim hortons in fergus, ontario saying it was "uncanadian". give me a break! (EDIT: apparently the ban was for throwing water balloons outside the tims? awesome! i should be banned from a couple countries, in that case.)

in financial news, tim hortons IPO'd this week, i was thinking of buying some stock, but then i got my VISA bill. HooWEE! i guess financing our album to the tune of a couple grand was a bit shortsighted. well, perhaps not, i guess time will tell. but at least i won a free coffee today! rrroll up the rim: the evangelical-endorsed lottery.

recording is finished!

we finished recording the new false heroics album this weekend. added one last new song, which actually i think is going to turn out to be one of my favourites of the album. stayed in some awesome motels, ate out expensively (which i'm about to do again cause there's nothing to eat here), and now we wait for a few weeks for jeff to send us mixes, and i get back to work at my papers!

i'll second that motion, secretary

10/8/2003 1:02 AM

you blind me, nails through my brow
they stab in their bluntness
ripping fashion across my face
but you lean back and call it evil
your work, your life

for an angel, these wings are broad
and cover a multitude of sins
but eyes see all, they cover the world

you lean back, you say, not my will
but man's be done
on earth as it is by kevin

and give me this day my daily bread
forgive me my trespasses
as i condemn those who confess to me
that their's is the curse of mankind
that their's is the liberty of salvation

that the law is now complete, sealed into new plastic
covenants of chrome and rubber
consecrated by glossy paper
anointed in pinesol
this is my new testament

that you are governed by fear
held in the hand of puppet preachers
and blind teachers
the spirit of freedom has no jurisdiction here

and you, you cry in the streets
just like the pharisees of old
and you, you cry in the streets
just like false prophets foretold

the rain of a thousand

10/8/2003 1:22 AM

breathe new life
shades of sun and springlit glades
dance in your eyes

hold the air in
for a moment
savour the melting nectar
of fresh wind

can you feel the moon
shining down on us?
she's almost invisible
above iceberg sky
but still, she's there
a comfort to those
raised up in the shade

you've glanced at me
but i turned away
your hands will stay cold
empty
whole

i will not destroy all
we've been given
not for one day
of tense and glorious joy
i will abandon
i will walk
and you with me

so cherish this moment
it will be back again
but not for the distance
for the horizon
for the new world
beyond edges of globe
i will give you that
i will not take that away
it is yours

so bring to me
the rain of a thousand
crying for you
bring to me
the hearts of your
troubled

they will drink
and hold in the air
they too, will become new

june for october

10/14/2003 12:49 AM

june for october
lush for sober
your harbours call me in

captain for shorelines
light house for star lines
i've come to box me in

your winds have knocked these sails flat
and i'm floating doldrums in the sun
the glisten is over and under oar
lapping at the boards

"doubletime," the whips say
we'll reach the new kingdom someday
the course is charted, stars are set
i'll point past this slow wading

dark past the knees
i'm not in too deep
but i've a little less to lose
and this sand and limb are sticking

you looked like an ocean
in one glance of distain
you looked like cool drink and dark well
in one laugh and turn

how my tongue burns...

june for october
lush for sober
your harbours call me in

captain for shorelines
light house for star lines
i've come to box me in

and harbours await the long winter
and these limbs grow a moment stiffer
you say to wait, to try longer

and these winds, they knock my sails
knock them to boards far below

a fool traded my crown

10/15/2003 12:12 PM

i'm not your saviour
i can't fill this gown
i'm drowning in this pretense
in the folds and yards of imagination

i'm encompassed by your vision
of who i will be
but will i be?

i can not fit my own picture
so how could i match yours?
am i to believe you'll change me?
when i'm all hardened and cold inside?

pride.

this pride is what locks me in
but one can break through
cracking my skull against paper
until it bleeds my stubborn faults

but is that enough for you?
to know that i need to try?
i'm not the coveted treasure
that some seem to think
i'm a drunken child on the edge
i'm too sick to come back from the brink

i can change, whether i want to
but will it be for good?
i've choosen carefully
but my mind was pawned
and a fool traded me his

i'm not your conqueror
your saladin in the sky
i can fight your battles
but i wont win
it's you that needs to try

where is this leading me
am i a fool for giving this hope?
maybe you're wiser than i
maybe you've read the ingredients
know the lies

a fool traded my crown
for the stubble i possess
will you be content with that?
will anyone?
please be content with that
anyone

anyone.

dialysis and bedpans

11/24/2003 2:28 PM

can you heal me?
i'm not done for, but
dialysis and bedpans are
all that awaits my soul

i've got faith
reams of it
mountains move when i daydream

i've got heart
a whole chest of it
broadway is my back porch

and honesty
i'm swelling with that
its a clearance, we're liquidating our stock
at least thats what i'd tell you

and you'd come for
the deal of the century
i'd park my car in your front lot
driveways of harmony and savings
quality and service with a code of honour

i'd bring you back from the battlefield

at least thats what i'd tell you
if i had faith
that my heart
could bare the truth
to a world looking for
the best buy
the lowest price law
the honourable evil
the stocks with return
to make the returning christ
appear a pauper.

i'd say that.
but i can't
because it's true
i lied to you
i said that.
i told that.
and i'll hold the truth
forever in my throat
catching on the tears
of a dry eye and
trembling lip

no hot drip
except for the pump and pull
of my dialysis machine
bringing me to justice

for deadpan eyes
and bedpan lies
i've lived my life
and you can't heal me.

i've decided that.

when they are me

11/25/2003

i run to your hope
hoping you'll save me
i'm not strong enough to make it
alone

you take me, paint the shade
that i safely rest in
by still waters you poured
and this green is an emerald
you plucked from your crown
to smooth the spot i sleep

but all you give is not retreat

you give me rest, but you give me toil
the sweat rolls from my brow
this harness is light, but it still weighs me down
it weighs me down

so i run to your joy
hoping you'll help me
i'm not strong enough to make it
alone

and you fill me complete
until my brim is running
with sweet sunlight
with sweet wine
i give to you all that is mine
all that is mine

but all you give is not smiles sublime

you give me life, but you give me pain
my closest brother turns with a knife
to tear us apart, to stab me twice
to stab us twice

so i run to your love
hoping you'll hold me
i'm not strong enough to make it
alone

and with a glance
you hand to me
the hopes and fears
the screams and tears
of a world that barely lives
of a world that you want to give
all that you've given me

my brother
my sister
my enemy

as i look, you say, "see...
that they are beautiful
that they are valuable
that they are worth dying
a thousand deaths."

and how can i turn away
when they
are me.

Building A Requiem

12/1/2003 9:22 PM

I walk over to the desk
Sit in my seat
This is my empire
My kingdom alone

I stare at the screen
Put up my feet
This is my swansong
My last cornerstone

Building a requiem
A song of hearts turned stone
Rough granite on granite
My hands are torn and cold
Building a requiem
A song of stones turned down
My last city has crumbled to the ground

I bring to you a morning
A sunrise of fire
Warm and smooth
Bringing depth to our souls

But the coals have now faded
Just as you said you desire
You snuffed them out
Ashen fingers controlled

Building a requiem
A song of hearts turned stone
Rough granite on granite
My hands are torn and cold
Building a requiem
A song of stones turned down
My last city has crumbled to the ground

winter solstice

12/17/2003 12:37 PM

it was only just yesterday
sun beamed and so did i
from shore to shore
i laughed

these woods are grey
and frozen thin
the sun behind greasy clouds
oily winds bruise their skin
while desperate fingers point to the sky
the sky, the sky it whirls about
with the sad look of caution

this winter is catching
and in my bones
i feel chill

and i've hid this all along
a deep cold inside my wound
it keeps it from pain or healing

and you've harboured this all along
a cold winter inside your smile
i wonder when frost first burned you

and you've known this all along
inside you're beautiful as falling snow
afraid, so afraid to be trampled on

i know

it was only yesterday
sun beamed and so did you
from shore to shore
you laughed
it was only just a memory
not a moment to keep as mine
in a pile of photographs
saved from every fire

but winter comes, fires burn
spring comes, seasons turn

and maybe
only maybe
frost thaws
sun smiles
and so do we

but i suppose
that is up to you
and me

Joy, Peace, Love

12/22/2003 2:49 PM

Starry hosts emblazon
The deep night before me
They cry out to all, "Joy, Peace, Love"

Weary feet guard the ground
Looking up at unfolding glory
Bowing before the shine from above

I'm giving my Every
Please take it away
Give it to those in need

I'm giving my Only
Please give me another
But make it You I need

And this old canvas box paints itself
A thousand shades of vermillion
Scarlet, crimson, orchard and thyme
Wrapped with a bow tying it together
And placed at Your feet, this is Mine

A gift only for You, to take and place
At the feet of Your people, the World
Cold and hard, the sour, bitter taste
Of truest Life is sweeter than Eden's dew

To give
To die
To live
Is mine
To own
Nothing
To have
Everything

Forever

I cry out to all,
"Joy, Peace, Love."

new moons and sunrises

12/27/2003 9:39 PM

give me sunrises
give me clouds of blue scarves and waves
give me heartless hinterland
give me my dreams and nothing more

push back the curtains
let the rain pour in
clear eyes brush back the teary skies
the restless, stirring wind

give me cloudless
give me afternoons of golden rye
give me mindless cancer
give me my thoughts and take no more

i'm killing you
though i dont understand why
i'm casting stones
i'm calling your cauldron grey
not black, not white

in twilight i can't even see your eyes
your hairs meld into a blanket
to hide your face
from this saddest disgrace
i'm blacker than new moons inside

inward and inside

1/25/2004 7:16 PM

my cheeks rest against the wood
i've been in here for so long

moist lips brush against the rough grain
i push upwards and look

at the cracks and lines
hints of clouded sunshine
beams of silver light from somewhere
somewhere long ago

i warm as i remember
days not so cold
rooms not so dark,
musk-filled, and heavy boarded

isolation is never answers
inward and inside is never freedom

but still...
loving never afforded me
such a coffin

ropemarks

1/23/2004

staggering waves explode
onto my pictureframe
they've caught me in the act
i'd barely given a thought to you
and now, you're the only one

i pull back the glass
shift the lens to the side
and gaze at the broken scene before me

is this torture?
to know you're alive and well
but never thinking a second thought of me

is this pleasure?
to feel lingering ropemarks inside
you've got nothing attached to my heart anymore
but it still burns

only a smile
only a smirk
gives away my position
of chances shirked
callouses gained
and dreams overrun

rooms within, rooms without

1/23/2004 3:46 AM

crumbs and crumpled paper
crowd this apartment like ghettos of refuse
but in my mind all is clear
scrubbed and stripped to the bone.
or is it now in my mind that i see?

these walls shine, this floor is polished
like brazen temples in ancient sunlight
and inside, inside, inside...
i'm crawling like the coon, rummaging
for the last rotten scraps of joy
in this mold and motley residue
i call my father's captive
my revived soul

what little there is left
should be burned and turned coal
should be burned and
should be burned
until it is
no more

dancing with dollars

3/1/2004 3:41 AM

i've cornered the market tonight
i've burned the hedges to make room
for the stocks and bonds that circle my head
like sugarplums in the moonlight

queens and kings bend diadem
to this throne i've pictured before
it's formed of dead spirit and darkened white
of ideals cast to the winds of fortune

but before i descend to dig my dirt
my liquid wealth, my hardened silvers
i lift up to breathe the sunshine
in a moment mourn for every next

a last gasp, then i'll take these dollars
and expand them until my grave

if a seed dieth, it bringeth forth much fruit

3/1/2004 4:01 AM

loved
this stem grew
quickly, up it sprang in haste

withering in the muffling heat
these dreams sagged, and fell
listless

but in heaviness
moist, warm currents of air
make seeds drop, and suddenly

these roots live again
but now leaves grow in shade
of that old life, now dying
for a second chance

giving
so that newer chances
might live better, longer, fuller, righter

and truly
this is love
this is sacrifice
that every dream
every drop of life
be given
for this
for you...
a friend.

just in time

3/10/2004

my legs are thin like
the smile on your lips
it curves down into your
lovely chin, lovely neck
lovely coldness, staring
through the air away
from me. away from my
hope. away from my
arms. away from my
smile. just in time

hunt of jove

3/10/2004

io never knew what hit her
she ran but the mist overtook
invaded her like gods' love to do
penetrating the hearts of mortals
or bellies in io's case. she
couldn't know what fate would await
that poor girl which allowed herself
taken by unfaithfulness incarnate
to roam as some wife's possession
a piece of cattle, to graze old ranges
until mercy ungirdles her old beef
sets poor io free, hooves and all
the moral: dont be caught too soon
a restless wind is a safer home

thinking

3/23/2004

dynamos whirring
electricity is thick as static
on airwaves yet unclaimed
so my thoughts spin
and lie twisted and dazed
no clarity in the
blurring wheels within

sun rising, i am

3/23/2004

up at the dawn
i'm no early riser
i'm a late sleeper
nocturnal, an aberration

i sit for a while
stare at the sunrise
its somewhat pretty
if you like that kind of
useless romance

i sit for a while
and start to think
what if i were that sunrise?

what if i rose over these houses
clothed in dim-lit glory of the sun
every shade of muted fire in my veins
would i feel important?
or would i just feel like the opening act,
the emcee introducing the big star's brilliance

even the great moon has a dark side
even venus is called lucifer
perhaps i'm not so bad off
as my own mother might say

if the mighty sunrise has inferiority
mine is the same sort of thing
here around town

so i say firmly:
i am a sunrise
a shadow before the light
no man comes unto the noonday but by me

and i get up, walk back to my basement
i see the sun is rising - best get some shut-eye.

old poetry - the spirit strangling

alright, well i'm digging up a bunch of old poetry from my brother's old 'written minds' msn group and posting it here lest the defunct thing ceast to exist and erase my boring creations. so, i suppose i'll just start posting them,

one at a time.

this will be a bad thing, all the rest of my articles, including this explanation, may be buried if i find much in there...

here's the first!

the spirit strangling
4/20/2004

kill me ever
stain me inside
i'm slower than never
i'm ribbon red lies

i'm harnessed in cages
as wide as the sun
set free in new pages
of a story undone

you've murdered my sickness
starved every pride...

and in these vast heavens
i'm blistering in your heat
circles of twelves, sevens
ecstatic light at my feet

it was worth every stain
it was worth the burn and itch
it was worth every pain
every bruised turn and pitch

for along the ride
you tore up my insides
to make room
for the new me

the old man
you suffocated
suffocated
completely

in absence of world domination

i'm now playing this game called cyber nations. its kind of like nationstates, which i've talked about before, only instead of focusing on policy choices as much, this game incorporates google maps, trade and war into the game for some much more interesting and varied gameplay. and its still just getting going! my nation is "octavium".

essentially this is all part of my grand ploy to procrastinate on my electoral reform thesis. i'll acknowledge that. come play with me!

fh back in the saddle

so my band played tonight, for the first time since last may, before we even knew mike had cancer. it went ok. the first band, their majesties, was amazing, but after that it the bands became progressively less interesting, although they were all good. we ended up not playing til 12:30, which was kind of a bummer. most of the people who came to see us had left by that point. in a way i'm glad though, we really were not in top form. our show is so blase. we need some fun infusion, some creative expression, some audience emotional involvement. everyone was really kind and encouraging, but i just feel we need to do some more work.

trombones, oboe and timpany would be a start. maybe a puppet show and some olympic high jump. at least i played banjo for one song, not that you could hear it.

in other news, autumn and i went to a 'ball' at my school last night. in other words a bunch of students getting drunk and dancing like its a club unce unce unce unce yeah ashanti. it was fun though, despite my best efforts.

i swear our poodle just meowed in his sleep!